


would you be mine forever? (just in case it exists)

by hiraethia



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Fluff, Future Fic, Happy Foxes (All For The Game), M/M, Marriage Proposal, Post-Canon, Soft Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, the Foxes go to a floating lantern festival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:13:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23987926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiraethia/pseuds/hiraethia
Summary: Neil’s voice broke in two as he whispered, “Guess this is forever, huh?”“It doesn’t exist.” Andrew’s eyes darkened for a brief moment, and Neil swore he could see eons of fractures and vulnerabilities in them. His voice lowered to a bare breath, hands trembling slightly as he slipped the ring over Neil’s finger, betraying everything else he didn’t say. It fit perfectly. “But - just in case it does.”(the foxes introduce neil to some floating lanterns, and andrew asks a question).
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 37
Kudos: 501





	would you be mine forever? (just in case it exists)

**Author's Note:**

> title from 'can we hang on ?' by cold war kids!

It all started with an off-hand comment Neil had made to Nicky during one of their movie nights.

They were watching _Tangled_ , having just reached the scene where the girl and the boy wound up in a boat, drifting together amid a sea of floating lights. Neil had curled up against Andrew’s side, drowsy with warmth and familiarity. Andrew’s arm was resting around his waist, his thumb rubbing absent, sub-conscious circles against Neil’s side. 

“I’d kill to go to one of these in person,” Nicky sighed. “Neil, what would it take for you to convince Andrew to come?”

Neil hummed quietly as Andrew’s thumb stopped moving. “I didn’t know these existed,” he mumbled sleepily. “But I'd ask.”

He didn’t think much of what he said - that was becoming a problematic habit nowadays - but it was still enough to make Nicky pause the movie to gape at him. 

“Fuck, really?” he asked incredulously.

More awake and unfortunately, aware of the Foxes’ eyes on him, Neil reluctantly sat up. “I didn’t exactly have time to think about these kinds of things,” he said sarcastically.

His miserable childhood - or lack thereof - was something the Foxes tried not to become too upset about. It was over already, it was gone, and it was all for the better that it stayed that way. It wasn’t like anything they did now could change what had already happened - they would know that the best. Normalcy was a hard thing to come by, even now, but Neil thought he could get there.

Nicky’s expression shuttered down for just a moment, before he brightened up again - something more purposeful in his gaze.

“We’re taking you to one,” he said resolutely. Matt and Dan nodded, grinning, while Renee and Allison just looked on with amusement.

“You really don’t have to - ” Neil tried protesting, before Allison cut him off.

“Bambi, there’s a life outside of Exy. We’ll show you.”

Kevin grumbled into his drink, “At least wait until finals are over,” before getting elbowed in the ribs by Dan.

As the conversations settled down, and Nicky resumed the movie, Neil felt Andrew shift underneath him. His arm returned to its place around Neil’s waist, tightening slightly, and Neil barely resisted the urge to shiver as he felt Andrew’s mouth press against the top of his head.

“Look at what you did, idiot,” he murmured, just loudly enough so that only Neil could hear. Biting down on a smile threatening to burst out, Neil closed his eyes and shrugged. The noises of home and muffled voices swelled around them, cradling their bodies - like floating lanterns.

\--

It took a few more years to actually reach Nicky’s goal.

By some miracle, the festival date in California landed right on one of those rare moments where all the Foxes’ schedules lined up. Allison flew all of them down to the West Coast, making some excuse about having too much money and nothing to do with it. Dan and Matt were on a break in their season between professional Exy and coaching, Renee was visiting from the Peace Corps, and Kevin had already been scouted by numerous professional teams anxiously waiting for the next year. Andrew, Aaron, and Nicky were graduating in a few months, and Wymack was busy recruiting new Foxes for the fall. 

Everything was settling down but changing too fast - some kind of liminal space where nothing moved but everything glowed.

Andrew was driving down the coastal highway with the windows rolled all the way down, their car just behind Allison’s. The salty air rushed through the car, combing gentle fingers through their hair as Neil memorized the way the sunset light flickered across Andrew’s face.

The beach where the festival took place was rather big, stretching down for miles upon miles. Neil hesitated for a moment as the rest of the Foxes headed down toward the sand and tents. Andrew gazed at him steadily, gauging his reactions, lips twitching for a moment like he wanted to reach out and take all of Neil’s worst memories and throw them into the sea.

It was always hard to forget the traces of Mary and the beach. The smoke, the ashes, the way Neil’s fingers had burned with her remnants. It made his stomach turn and his heart sink, and Neil was almost tempted to turn away if it wasn’t for everything else.

Andrew, at his side, fingertips grazing against the small of his back like he was holding him steady. His family, waiting for them at a spot by the water, surrounded by the halo of a setting California sun. The delicious smell coming from the array of food trucks around the parking lot, overpowering the memory of blood and grief.

Neil turned to Andrew, tension seeping from his shoulders. “Let’s go,” he breathed, and Andrew quirked a brow.

“No breakdown?” he deadpanned, though the way he flattened his palm solidly against Neil’s back said something entirely different.

“I’m okay.”

Andrew stared at him for a moment longer, like he was confirming something for himself, before nodding. He hesitated, like he wanted to say or do something, jaw clenching with the pause. Neil blinked, before holding out his hand in a silent question. 

Andrew’s fingers fit between his like a key and a lock. Neil felt hopelessly grounded with his touch, but he didn’t mind it as Andrew led him away from the car and toward the Foxes.

Nicky had gotten them the supposed floating lanterns, face brightening immeasurably when Neil and Andrew approached.

“Finally, lovebirds!” He handed Neil a lantern and a pen. “They’re waiting for the sun to go completely down before launching these.” 

Neil glanced at the paper in his hands. “These are supposed to float?”

“If you just light the little thing at the bottom,” Matt added. “They’re like hot air balloons.”

Nicky grinned. “Yeah, and make sure you write something on there, okay? Anything you want. It could be a wish.”

“Why?” Neil asked as they settled down. Nicky only smiled, softer that time.

“I’d like to think they will come true.”

He figured it was a little childish, living from wish to wish. But as Neil gazed at the lantern in his hands, then at the rest of his family, either eating or swaying to the music or bantering over something trivial, he also figured that some things came true.

Andrew stayed by his side the whole time, quiet and pensive. Neil twirled the pen in his hands, humming along to the noise of guitars strumming and unfamiliar, undiscovered voices singing. 

“What should I write, ‘Drew?” he asked, pursing his lips. 

He blinked slowly, like Neil was drawing him out of his thoughts. Gaze flickering to the lantern, then back up to Neil, Andrew shrugged. 

“How about our names?”

“Some wish of yours,” Andrew remarked dryly, and Neil huffed out a laugh. 

“Well, it’s mine now. I can do what I want with it.” He tilted his head back, closing his eyes briefly. Andrew was warmer than sunsets and ocean sand, a kind of warmth only he had. Neil didn’t know how many late nights he’d spent, gazing at Andrew’s sleeping form and smiling to himself, thinking about how lucky he was - to share and feel that warmth, that it was still _there_ despite everything Andrew had gone through.

He felt Andrew press his lips against his temple, an acknowledgement of Neil’s truths. 

“My mom taught me to write my name in Chinese, you know,” he murmured, and Andrew hummed quietly. “Wang Kaihe. It came from her side, so we never really used it.”

“Kaihe,” Andrew repeated after a long pause. Neil couldn’t help but smile at the way the syllables sounded in Andrew’s mouth.

His Chinese name was never something that he had paid much attention to. With all his identity shifts, his other name had become just another secret, something to become obsolete and worn away in forgotten moving boxes. But it was a name that his father had never had, and it was a name - a _full_ name - given by his mother. 

Neil thought he liked the sound.

So he started writing it on the lantern, carefully tracing out each stroke in the correct order as Andrew watched him intently. 

“This is your name,” Neil murmured as he started writing the other set of characters. “安德鲁. Andrew.”

He had gone quiet again, but Neil knew he was still listening from the way his thumb rubbed over his thigh. So Neil kept talking. 

“It’s perfect,” he said softly, putting away the pen and admiring his work. “安 means safe. 安 means secure. Quiet, and still.” He shifted so he could look Andrew in the eye, lips twitching up in a small smile. “It’s you.”

Andrew glared at him without heat, before leaning forward and kissing his smile away, hesitating long enough beforehand so Neil could have time to pull away. He didn’t - only falling into Andrew’s arms more.

By the time the sun had set, people were already beginning to gather down by the water. Neil could see the small bursts of flame as people began to flick on their lighters, ready to set the candles at the base of the lanterns alight. The Foxes had found a spot a bit farther away from the thickest of the crowds, just far enough that it was just them.

An announcement came on over the loudspeaker, echoing down the humming beach.

“Whether you’re here to watch the lights, thank a loved one, or just indulge in your hopes and dreams,” the voice said brightly, “we hope you have a wonderful time. Thank you for coming out to the 50th annual lantern festival. You may release your lanterns now!”

It was the most unreal thing Neil had ever seen.

One by one, the lanterns started going up, filling out the sky until everything was bathed in a golden glow. Cityscapes sprouted in the sky, flickering like orange, tangible stars. The lights within the bellies of the lanterns flickered here and there, illuminating inked wishes and dreams and names. Neil couldn’t help but smile in awe at the sight.

For a large part of his life, Neil had only known pain and darkness. He knew blood and knives and fear like old friends, knew the pain of scars and not knowing _why_ it had to be that way. _Why_ he had to come from the family he came from, _why_ such cruelty could be so permanent and close.

And there were no answers for those questions.

But right there, right now, he had his family by his side. The sky reflected the sea with glimmering lights. Neil had just lit up their own lantern, and the glow growing behind his and Andrew’s names, characters written in messy but true strokes, looked like art. 

Maybe he could start asking new questions, finding new answers.

Because right at that moment, Neil had never felt luckier to be alive.

This was home. It was Aaron’s begrudging smile, Nicky’s handwritten wishes, Kevin’s grin that wasn’t actually for the press but was just for them. The light flickering across his upperclassmen’s faces, the golden flecks of lanterns and stars resting in Andrew’s hazel eyes. It was here.

This home, this peace, Neil wanted to hold it close for as long as he could.

“Wow,” he whispered. “Andrew, it’s beautiful.”

He didn’t expect an answer, nor did he need one. Neil was content to watch in the quiet, in the stillness. 

He was about to turn and ask Andrew, after a few long minutes, if he wanted to release their lantern now, when Andrew’s voice made him pause.

“Neil.” It was strained with something Neil hadn’t heard before. 

He turned, frowning. “Is everything okay?” 

Andrew looked almost pained, shoulders set in a line the way he always stood when he was about to face something difficult, whether it was locking down the goal or sparring Renee or accompanying Nicky on a trip to the mall. 

“Andrew?” 

A harsh breath left his lips, and Neil waited patiently as Andrew gathered his thoughts. He wouldn’t meet Neil’s eyes, only reaching out and tugging him close with one hand, gripping him tightly. 

“‘Drew…”

“Shut up,” Andrew said, and Neil obliged. They stood there for another moment, shadows intertwining, before Andrew inhaled deeply and looked up. “This doesn’t change anything if you don’t want it, okay?” he said lowly.

“Of course,” Neil said, “but what’s this about?”

“Let me talk.”

“Okay.” Andrew’s jaw twitched. He was rubbing circles on Neil’s hand with his thumb again. 

“We both know,” he said slowly, “what our names mean. To ourselves, and to each other.”

After a couple seconds, Andrew started reaching into his pocket for something. Neil kept looking at him.

“But if you will let me have it,” he continued, quieter, “I would like to take your name too.”

Neil’s eyes widened. Suddenly, his heart started pounding as he couldn’t help but laugh. “Andrew, I - what?”

“Idiot. Do I have to spell things out for you?” Andrew tried looking unaffected but his voice trembled slightly. Neil finally tore his gaze away from his face, instead glancing down at the thing in Andrew’s hands.

A box.

And a ring.

“ _Andrew_ \- ”

“Marry me, Neil. Yes or no?” He stepped closer, breath shaking. There was an odd wetness in Neil’s eyes as he stared at the ring - it was a simple band of gold, though the way the lamplight reflected off its surface made it look like it was on fire. Another laugh swelled up in his chest, though it came out like a choked sigh. 

Marriage wasn’t something he’d ever thought about or thought he needed. He’d seen the way it had destroyed his mother, that it was not a promise but a death sentence. 

But this felt like the farthest thing from it.

Anticipation, _hope_ , outweighed the panic, the shock. The thought of spending forever with Andrew, Andrew, _Andrew_ didn’t terrify him at all like he thought it might. 

He _wanted_ it.

Neil had all the time in the world, and he had the world too, right there in front of him - the man holding his hand and staring at him with barely concealed desire and resignation, because this was the path he took and he’d fallen and risen so far. 

And God, Neil’s name had always been both a condemnation and a gift, something that he’d fought and clawed his way out of hell to keep.

Yet sharing it with Andrew, with strangely familiar words and aches budding in his heart like spring blossoms, was the most natural thing he could think of.

(This was always. This was worth it).

He held out his left hand for Andrew to take. “ _Yes_ ,” he breathed. “Yes.”

Andrew stared at him hard, before his chest shuddered with a sigh as he took out the ring. 

Neil’s voice broke in two as he whispered, “Guess this is forever, huh?” 

“It doesn’t exist.” Andrew’s eyes darkened for a brief moment, and Neil swore he could see eons of fractures and vulnerabilities in them. His voice lowered to a bare breath, hands trembling slightly as he slipped the ring over Neil’s finger, betraying everything else he didn’t say. It fit perfectly. “But - just in case it does.”

Happiness was the most elusive thing Neil knew. It was the last second of a rooftop sunset, when Andrew’s eyes glowed the most golden and his lips curved in the slightest of smiles. It was when the world mercifully stopped for them to catch their breaths, for air to hit aching lungs and tired bodies, and everything was some misshapen form of okay.

But this - Neil swore this was it.

He closed his eyes, another laugh hitching on a trembling breath.

“Just in case,” he repeated softly, leaning against Andrew, fingers curling as he admired the ring.

Neil released the lantern, watching it float up to join the others. At the last second, it turned, and he could see their two names emblazoned proudly on the side.

He couldn’t help but think - they looked so good next to each other.

It was a vow.

**Author's Note:**

> i've wanted to write this fic for so long after going to a lantern festival myself, and i finally did it!! i hope you guys enjoyed - i really loved writing this.


End file.
